From the Adulterous to the Blind

Today's sunday message at CCF is about the blind man in John chapter 9. In a previous post, I talked about the adulterous women in chapter 8 and how I was able to relate my self to her. Now, it seems that I'm also like the blind man. Something that I didn't realize before and missed in my Bible reading. The story is essentially about Jesus healing a blind man which correlates to our spiritual blindness and the role Jesus plays.

Being born into this faith, I know Jesus by name but not by heart. Therefore, I'm spiritually blind all my life like the man who has been blind his entire life. Then Jesus came and restored the man's sight "so that the works of God might be displayed in him (NIV)." In my case, it is me that came looking for Jesus because I needed something from Him. It never crossed my mind that I'm spiritual blind and that looking for Jesus, I would be healed from it. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm completely cured of my spiritual blindness because I still struggle in a lot of areas like avoiding certain sins and trusting in Him faithfully. But certainly, I am now able to understand some teachings and concepts about our faith and about Jesus that I never knew before. I became conscious of my actions and behavior. My faith definitely is different now compared to before. Looking back in the past month, I always say that it is too early to tell if there's change in me already. But today, I say a lot have changed.

Now I pray as often and as consistently as I could. I could say I prayed more times in the last month than in the last decade. I started to read the Bible again. I try my best to have my quite time everyday. My wife and I are attending a Dgroup, that's a big difference already in my life. I started this blog to serve as my journal. I never wrote anything about my faith and Jesus.

In addition, I haven't seen any porn materials and have not masturbated since I joined my Dgroup. Those two are the biggest sinful addiction that I have. I'll be lying if say that I'm not tempted to take a look but so far I'm succesful on this

However, there are still areas where I struggle hard. A good example of this is with the way I look at women. Before I would look at them with lust, especially to those "gifted ones" if you know what I mean. But now, I am more conscious about it. I try my best to look away at times or tell myself not think of anything if ever I saw one. But I will be a hypocrite if I say I've already overcomed it. At times, I could still catch myself staring and then sinful thoughts would creep in my head. In times like this, I would quickly close my eyes and pray. It is definitely a struggle. But because I became conscious about it, I could still say that I'm no longer completely spiritual blind and been putting an effort to avoid it.

I still have a long way to go and it's only just been a month since. My prayer is that as I see more clearly now, may our Lord reveal Himself even more. Jesus show me what I need to see to grow more deeper in my faith. Show me the way to better lead my family. Show me all my wrong doings that I may be conscious about them. Heal my spiritual blindness so that your work will be displayed in me. AMEN.