The Big WHY?

It's been almost a month now since my wife and I started attending a Dgroup. It has been working for us just fine. My fears of condemnation was quickly alleviated, although I'm still not that comfortable sharing some informations that normally I will keep as a secret. No miracles yet or huge transformation in ourselves and lives but so far, we've been happy and truly learned and realized a lot of things. Somehow I could say that I should have done this a long time ago instead of just now.

On my previous post, I discussed why not. Now I will share why. At first I will admit it was a selfish reason and God quickly made me realized that. Prior to joining the group, I resigned from work to find a better one. At first I was optimistic that I could indeed find something better. But as my last day became nearer, worry and anxiety started to grow. So I thought if I would come to God, He would provide me a new job. If I would do God a favor, He would return it. A sort of win-win solution. One can also say, I'm in need so I needed God. Again, selfish isn't it? Nevertheless, it is all that I have at the beginning. It then hit me.

I immediately remembered Matthew 6:33, "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (NIV)." One of my usual complains about God is that I don't hear Him or He doesn't speak to me. If this is God talking to me, He wasted no time at all to speak to me. He quickly corrected my wrong intentions. I should be seeking Him first or just Him alone and not the things He can do for me.

Even so, this is always easier said than done for me. Seeking God first is one thing, His provisions is another, especially for me who's patience is next to none. From what I know and hear, it takes a person's lifetime to seek His kingdom and I'm just beginning again. I did this before and failed. Consistency is definitely in question. Add to that, most of my needs I consider are immediate. Bills, groceries, tuition, etc. These are needs that we often struggle to meet. Often my question is how long do I have to seek His kingdom for me to receive His blessings. This is where I have to change if I want a full life. I have to seek Him first and don't focus on anything in return. In addition, I've read the whole passage and God is telling me not to worry. Worrying only undermines His ability to provide. It is like questioning God. We know what happens if we question our parents or boses, what more our Lord. It will not be a pretty sight to see.

As a response, if the Lord is indeed talking to me, I will listen. Moreso, I will obey and not worry. I will focus on Him alone and not on what He can do for me. This will be challenging because I am still in need. Despite that, I will completely and to the best of my ability put my faith on to the Lord. AMEN.